If there is one thing Grundy County likes better than their high school football it would be guns. While Grundy is mostly a white area and many still have that "old school' way of thinking towards minorities, no gun is a bad gun once you hit the top of that mountain (regardless of which one you go up to get here).
So why is that? Why does a county that has residents with more code names than G.I. Joe actually think they are indeed members of G.I. Joe? Does "Marshmallow" (no offense to anyone who has that name, I'm sure someone does) need an assault rifle? Why does everyone there think that it isn't alright just to keep their shotguns and pistols, but that it should be just fine and dandy if they decide they want to go to a flea market and buy a oozie if they feel like it? Do they really need one to save each other from one another? No. Do they really want to go and pump poor Bambi with so much lead you could use his nose for a pencil? No, I'm afraid that isn't it either.
We sent people undisclosed into the belly of the beast disguised as republicans and asked around about this gun issue. We expect some form of logical response when we asked random residents "Hey cuz, why you reckon we need these gun?". What we got was a unanimous response of people actually waiting for a war that they are sure is coming on American soil. They seem to have an idea that an unavoidable war will breakout and breakout soon right here in the good ol' U.S. of A. and ol' Cockroach and his pee shooter expects to dive in just like Chuck Norris did in Missing in Action. Oddly enough the wild idea they have for this didn't come from watching media or the Grundy favorite Fox News. It came from an action flick alright, just a different one that was released in 1984 called "Red Dawn".
You see before Patrick Swayze stopped Baby from being in the corner, he watched her get blown away by no good Russians after they invaded America in the film, Red Dawn. For Grundy County residents old enough to remember, this wasn't just fantasy, this was the blue print for what to do when this day surely came.
So the bottom line is, they love guns because they think they'll need them when the Russians, Koreans, Mexicans, Canadians, or American Blacks try to take over this country. The latter already has them in a panic due to what they see as a sure sign of the apocalypse by having a black man as President (He's actually HALF black AND white, but what have we said before about grey areas in Grundy?).
So regardless of how many senseless deaths happen from now until the cows come home in our country, Grundy County will ALWAYS uphold the right to own high powered guns that they or anyone else really don't need. We can save any logical explanation or idea of meeting pro-gun folks in the middle we have, they will hear none of it. They'll just keep on polishing up whatever firearms they have all while watching Duck Dynasty and waiting for the day those darn Russians parachute into their backyards so they can holler "YELLOW JACKETS!!" and fire away.
No comments:
Post a Comment